Is this a good college application essay (a little long, but I'll give you ten points for a good answer :))?

take out the as such in the first sentence of the 2nd paragraph doesnt sound right in that context. Overall this was a decent essay, but decent is the key word here, I havent read many college essays but those I have heard of are almost every time based on "someone that changed my life" now depending on the colleges you are applying to this may be fine but if you are looking at tougher schools then I would scrap this ans start over think of something original, one person I know wrote his essay on the relationship a boy has with his childhood dog... and it was really really good and emotional, using words other than then the typical "lucky, praise" basic words that are used everyday! Again this all depends on what college you are going to a good one or a lesser one.